I've never kissed or been kissed by someone that i've had true feelings for. I lack the courage. The only time really that i ever do get a move made on me or anything physcial is when i'm drunk. It's never out of affection it's always just lust. The little things are really underestimated...being able to just to be able to show affection like that without having to hold back and restrain yourself. Everytime i have to hold myself back it really does hurt but i can't explain in which way.

I can't tell you how much i hate that.

I wounder if i will ever know what this feels like somtimes. It sounds silly right, i'm seventeen not seventy. But what if i never do, because i don't deserve it.

Alot of people seem to think it is there right to be loved. I don't think it is really, it's more just a massive privilege. It must be the best feeling in the world.