Kind of dreading christmas. I'm not really seeing the point if fiona and grandad aren't here. All mum adn dad will do is fight. I wouldn't tell her but i would rather spend it with my baby.

ohh shaadaap kirsty. Seriously. Shut the fuck up. Stop being so over sensitive  Get a grip like you seriously need to get a grip because if you don't your going to make her feel like it's her fault. It's my emotions that ain't right. I will never mean to hurt you, not not and not ever. 

You're always amazing in my eyes.

I'll show you.. i won't tell you this time


:) 

Said it better than i could manage Jessie

When I'm nervous I have this thing, yeah, I talk too much
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone, anyone who'll listen
And that's where I seem to fuck up

Yeah, I forget about the consequences
For a minute there I lose my senses
And in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going
The words start flowing, oh

But I never meant to hurt you
I know it's time that I learned to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learned

I hate that I let you down
And I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around
'Cause now I'm the one that's hurting, yeah

And I hate that I made you think
That the trust we had is broken
Don't tell me you can't forgive me
'Cause nobody's perfect
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody's perfect, no

If I could turn back the hands of time
I swear I never would've crossed that line
I should of kept it between us
But, no, I went and told the whole world how I feel and oh

So I sit and I realize
With these tears falling from my eyes
I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever
I promise that I'm gonna try

But I never meant to hurt you
I know it's time that I learned to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learned

I'm not a saint, no, not at all, but what I did, it wasn't cool
But I swear that I'll never do that again to you, oh
I'm not a saint, no, not at all, but what I did, it wasn't cool
But I swear that I'll never do that again to you, yeah

Controlling your emotions when you're cuddling a cute little spaniel is easier..

Giving it my all trying to do the best i can for everyone and i feel like i'm making it worse and worse. I'm not going to give up trying to do the best for Natalie, and kirsty. Isla as well but i need to figure out where i'm going wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone but i'm shite at expressing myself without it sounding like blame. Made myself sick yesterday i worried myself into a panic and i'm not even sure why. I don't feel right.

Just want to be holding Nat so i can tell her how sorry i am for being rubbish. Make her giggle and she can sit and tell me all her stories. 

Andrew cheated on kirsty, actually cannot believe it. she is completely heart broken.. Hoping more than anything that she can manage to move past it because she really does love this boy beyond belief. You can't come back from something like that quickly though, once trust is hurt it's a little dent that is going to be there for good.Wish there was something more i can do. She's such a god damn beautiful person, no one deserves to be treated like that but no. Not kirsty. Not now she's back on track. 

sod going home after the dance come back to mine and we will see how your dress looks on my bedroom floor.. 

I think that maybe I've made her feel like shes not been doing good enough because i had been so "why you no love me..why you no text me back" Feel horrible for it because every time she comes to tell me something  like she can't meet up then she gets worried it will upset me. It must be so difficult for her to tell when i'm going to get upset and not. Truth is she is the best girlfriend i could ask for, and i know she does the best she can. I'm so lucky to have her and i know it. I really do. I want her to be able to just spend time with her friends without being upset about telling my because friends are important. I wish that i still had the same relationship with my girls that she does with hers. I never want to take her away from that. Never. It's just that i have horribly insecure times when i can't even control myself, there are ways to get my out of it but i don't expect her just to know these things. We are still learning how to deal with each other in some ways :) 

Basically what i'm saying is..

If you have time to come talk to me during the day, great! I'll just be really happy to hear from you because you're always my favorite text. If you don't well, come find me when you do have time. Don't be swayed with my moaning because sometimes i'll get like that. I'll always do my best baby.

If you want to go see your girls when we are supposed to be meeting up then go for it, i would rather be a little upset than stop you doing what you want. Besides what i told you last night applies here cutie.

And that i love you.
And when we aren't together i miss you but that okey because we will be soon.
It's not that i get annoyed at you, get annoyed at myself but not you baby. May get a little upset with you but that will be my own fault on the most part.

I want to hold her close, let her rest her head on my shoulder and run my fingers across her head to try and ease up her headache. It really is the little things that you miss, like the way she looks at me when it's been a little while and she is just smiling away at me. It's been what a good few years and every time i see her ( most times at least) it's still exactly the same little buzz. She has always been really gorgeous to me, as soon as i knew i liked her i released she was all kinds of beautiful. But in a different way because i see everything about her. She's a wow girl :) hahaha. No but seriously she is. 

Yeah i do say too much too often but i would rather she knew that didn't. 

That's just what i do, i'm extreamly open. 

I'm not going to be a push over anymore, no more running after people. It's time for them to chase me. I focus so much on other people most of the time and you know what I've put up with so much shit. I'm fed up. Most people don't respect me at all because i just let them off with things and forgive too easily.

I don't even know why i'm so angry.. There's only a few folk i would love to smash in the face but none are around so. You can't be bothered with me? why should i be bothered with you. I've made the effort year in year out.