I want so badly to be with you tonight, to walk to where you are and wrap you up in my arms and feel you against my body. I miss you. I miss you're hands on my skin and just kissing you until we get so carried away then go until we both are too tired. Falling asleep wrapped up in each other. I love knowing that I've  made you feel so good. Being able to touch you're gorgeous skin i love it. I love the way you're body looks how it feels. Everything. You're perfect. You're just fucking perfect and i can't wait to be back there with you. How can it be that i'm still falling for you? every time we kiss, when we are lying wrapped up in each other not giving a fuck how loud it gets. Just me and you..No more blades or pins. I can make you feel good, better. They will only scar you more. If you let me love you how you deserve to be loved maybe i can make the painful less painful.

I can't stop telling people, telling her, telling anyone who will listen how simply amazing she is. I can hardly wait to be walling down a beach with her hand in hand, letting her push me in the sea then splashing her anyways...opening my eyes and remembering she's asleep In my arms. She's so perfect. I can't even shut myself up. My head is just full of all this and I can seem to stop it. She's just everything and I'm in love with this girl. I can't help myself. reality is finally better than being asleep.



I hope in even the tiniest way she feels the same...

I need to try and stop being so soppy. I'm never really sure if people are okey with it or not. I will always be a soppy polar bear but i do need to ease up sometimes. I tend to just speak my mind regardless if people want to hear it or not, i do think first though if it could have any bad consequences for them. I need a lot of love but i like to give a lot of love as well 

Truth is I fell in love with her at the same time she was fixing all the wrongs and the pain from elli's death.

I fell in love with her all over again when I woke up and she was next to me asleep. If it was just me and her then I couldn't ask any more from life.

Let the sunshine

Come over here and i will give you my phone with out hesitation, nothing deleted nothing missing. I will let you complacently into my head and you can turn it inside out, upside down and still find nothing that i haven't told you completely truthfully. If you accuse me of lying then i'm going to get angry because it can't be based on fact just assumption. Don't assume that i'm a liar because everyone else is...i'm tired of it. Sometimes i don't see the point though people are always hiding the truth from me when i'm giving them the total opposite. There's nothing that hurts me more than being lied to, it's like being told at the same time you didn't think i deserved the truth in the first place. 

Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice? shame on me.

Praying that you want to stay...

I sometimes do wish i could get you pregnant because then we would have a little baby that was a little bit of me and a little bit of you. Just as long as he/she got you're eyes...

I shouldn't voice these things ever.

I don't want to be him

I know that I'm not but I'm just worried that it something I can get rid of. Being jealous I don't want it because I do trust people until I have reason not to. I work things out logically, yeah I guess I do get irrational sometimes about the things I care about the most. More than that though I'm scared I've got the short fuse and the violence from him but I don't think so it's never shown through anyway. when we were small he would get so angry with us. I remember him coming in from work one day and one of us spoke mum said not saying anything wrong and he smashed a mug through the work top. It's still broken now. mum and dad almost split when I was fifteen. He had said to her that he would rather spend time with Karen than with mum, go to coffee shops with her, text her Ect I think.. I mean me and Fiona have always known that mum and dad only stayed together for two reasons. The first for us because morally they thought it was wrong to disrupt. The second because they are too old to do the dating thing and karen is married now. Neither of them are very social..

I'm not sure why but it seemed right to tell you. Let you know that in a small way I know what you and the boys are seeing. It was in my head tonight too.

Can't stop The ceiling raining, I just want to hold her and watch her sleeping so I can unthink what I just thought/realised. She's too fragile just like everyone. Its just the thought of her not being anywhere in the world...no. I love her more than anything. I do. leave her alone please? Stop throwing horrible things.

I just saw what was going through your head last night and i'm lost for words, just wish i could wipe all these things from your memories so they didn't have to haunt you. The thought of you waking up next to me and you not being able to wake up... I know you are probably frightened after these things flashing through you're head but there is a way through i promise, kay? You can beat it. I love you.