I miss just having an all day conversation with you even when we aren't together. I'm always such a big one with communicating and it's not always possible. I think in some respects we have forgotten how good just chatting away to each other can be in the buzz of having to run about all day doing bits and bobs. I know when we can again though it will just be really nice, it's sometimes just the little things. When we are apart she is up there in my head some place even when i'm busy. Personally i feel that it would be unproductive to have the things that make you happy there all the time because then you would never really appreciate them fully. From big things to the little ones.
It's important to be afraid of losing the things that you love as well, it makes you realize what you have now, not later or tomorrow but now. People are fragile and every day when you can wake up and say that you have someone to love, people who love you and no pain in your chest is a god damn gift.
If you don't appreciated all that you have? well at some point you will get a shock, a wake up call. Some one dies, an accident, big change. The things, people or life you have taken for granted they are gone. Then your whole world just collapses and there's not a thing you can do to turn back time, so you have to sit knowing that all the things you could have show appreciation for. They are gone. What's left? you and your guilt. Been there, done that and I've got the T-shirt.
You think it won't happen to you? Think again.
The saying "you never know what you have until it's gone" it's going to mean a lot because you lost the things that mattered.
I'll never be able to get rid of the fact i didn't say goodbye, i didn't tell her how much i loved her - showed how much i cared. The cancer killed her faster than i could make myself realize the time to speak was right now... It was too late, she was already gone before i realized there where so many things i wanted her to know. I will not let that happen again.
