At night when everyone is asleep, I get ready for bed and I'll lie there and remind myself of all the things I put off because I don't want to hear it. Dreams that I have. One dream in particular. Untill it hurts and I'm not being ignorant to these things. If I'm ignorant to them then I will hurt them, will hurt her. Push myself to the edge and wake up in the morning with a salty face and my pillow soaked through. It will be worth it. I can't hurt them. I'm not going to be part of the problem and let my dream of what I want...what I want most in the world..it can't ever come true. I won't let it...how ever much I want it's selfish and unfair to want it. Stop. I can only blame myself as it is soley my fault. My fault. My heart. My dream.
It's better this way. It is. It will be. I don't want to hurt anyone.
I wouldn't change any of this. It's like there's a kind of purpose hurting for someone you care so much. There is..that's why I don't care about the hurt. Because i love her and that out weighs anything else.
No one understands that but I don't care...