I want you so much right now

I'm tempted to just empty my bank account and give it all to one charity, the first one that comes up. 

Start again and start fresh.

 I don't need it. 

 If we could just have one minute of a day to be together,  i would wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her, first on her forehead then her lips, tell her i love her so she can hear me and see it in my eyes. If there was any time left from that i would make her a cup of tea and kiss her goodbye before we left for the day.

I'll admit sometimes after a long day it hurts knowing someone else has been able to see, and hear her voice, that they probably didn't really appreciate the attention she was giving them. Then i remember that i would rather there was someone to cuddle her if i can't be there, as long as she is happy i can always swallow it. It's not easy for either of us,no but it's just...worth it. She is more than worth waiting for, the sleepless nights missing her company. I wouldn't change us, not for anything. 

I miss you

It would just be nice to feel less like crap every day, i'm fed up of this to be honest. Every single day i will have several nose bleeds, a migrane/headache that won't go away spend all day trying not to be sick and force some food into my body. No one even gives a shit. The only person that has so much as notice is lee..he said he was worried about me. Yeah, me too bud. This can't be normal.

I'm going to find a new passion because i figure putting too much of it into people isn't always healthy is it? i mean i need my friends right now because they are always good at sorting this. They are probably going through the same thing. I was meant to see hayley today but the bus was early and i missed it. I'm going to get myself out of this funk, i will find things i enjoy and fill my days up with them. Come home phone up Natalie and tell her about the day so it will actually be good, have time to go and see her. Hell even drive to see her because i'm going to learn how to do that too

I'm not sure why but i kind of want to keep bleeding until i pass out. Sick of thinking. Not being good enough... just uggggh!! Constant pressure not to fuck everything up. So angry at myself and i don't know why.